hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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