Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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