I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
