I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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