Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the day after is always just damage control
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
