After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
