This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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