I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
