She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
