No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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