Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
not ubering you a puppy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
