I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
