She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
