The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
smell my finger.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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