I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
