Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
