which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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