White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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