Me too!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
