Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
