I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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