I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
