Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
