I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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