i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
