Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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