just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my shit smells like andre
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
