If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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