So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
