They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
