is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
