Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
