??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
