u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
