My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
