I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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