So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
