I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
