I feel like abortions should bother me more
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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