All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
