I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
