note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
