hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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