maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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