hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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