On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
