Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
