All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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