and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
