We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
