you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
