my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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