Kiss
Puke
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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