Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
