And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
