Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
