so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
