I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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