I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
